Don't be afraid to say, "I love you."

Our world has made it difficult to build relationships with students. We are constantly worried that something will be misconstrued or taken out of context. As a new teacher, I was terrified that I would be accused of something inappropriate. I had heard numerous stories of teachers having inappropriate relationships with students, and I did not want to put myself in a position to be accused of something so horrific, but in doing this, I was distancing myself from my students. I didn't let them in on my life. And I never, ever said, "I love you." That was a mistake.

I quickly learned that building relationships with my students was the most important part of teaching. This is for two reasons. First, I found that building rapport changed my classroom culture. When I began doing so, my classroom management improved dramatically. Through the years, I got better and better at this, and now, I have virtually no behavioral problems in my classroom. My students know I care about them, and they respect me for it. As a new teacher, I yelled A LOT. That was counterproductive. Students don't hear you when you yell. All they hear is, "I don't like you." They shut down and lose respect for you and create more problems in class. Secondly, and most importantly, I came to realize that I was the only positive adult interaction that many of my students had on a daily basis. I have the power to make them feel loved, purposeful, and worthwhile. When they see that I believe in them, their lives can be changed. If we do not work to build relationships with students, we are failing. Yes, it is our job to teach them English, or science, or history. But it is also our job to love them. I was still afraid to say it. I just felt weird and inappropriate, but I showed them I loved them that I loved them everyday. I smiled. I asked questions about their lives. I went to their games and concerts and plays. 

It wasn't until something terrible happened that I began telling my students that I loved them. Sure, I had said it to a couple special kids that I had great relationships with, mostly with kids that I interacted with in extracurricular activities. But one cold morning in January of 2018 changed that. One of our students walked into our school and opened fire in the commons area that was filled with hundreds of students. Two died, sixteen others were shot, and everyone's life was forever changed. It was a teacher and student's worst nightmare. That night, I send out a message through Remind telling my students, "I love you all and am so glad you are safe." Numerous students and parents responded back, telling me how much that meant to them. Ever since, I have never hesitated when a student says, "I love you, Mrs. Kinder!" I always respond, "Love you, too."

I will never again not tell a student that I love them. When they say it to me, I know they mean it and that they want me to say it back, that I may be the only person saying, "I love you," to them that day. So I don't care what society says. I love my kids, and I want them to know it.